A Doubtful Thought

Lisa said it's time to start a new chapter. Yes, indeed. I guess we have all come to a point where we need to make a decision. It's either a huge transformation or a drastic change. Not much different between the two actually.

I applied for The Star scholarship a month ago. I wasn't serious at the time. Just playing around. Who knows, I've been short-listed for interview. My first reaction was of course, excited. I get to fly to Sarawak if I'm lucky. Then mom and I spent the next two days to find the perfect formal outfit. Finally, we have found one. It's a long sleeves shirt and a black skirt. Mom lent me her white heels :) It was freaking fun. We look into the mirror, wow, I seriously have the lawyer look. lol. I was stunned with the lawyer-look. Of course, I indulged in it :)

I spent the next few days doing some research in the net and made some phone calls. I realised it wasn't what I thought it is. It's actually way tougher than I imagined. It's a heck long of journey, process, whatever you call. All of a sudden, I wasn't gay about the interview neither do taking law.

I wore the very same outfit, and tried to get opinion from papa. He gave me 7.5 marks out of 10. Fair enough for me. Then, I was standing in front of mirror, right before the second I remove my shirt, my own eyes caught me. I stare right back into my own eyes and gave myself a cynic smile. 'Who am I kidding'?

Right at the moment, I felt like I've been forced to marry a guy that I don't love. Shot, right away, I know something wrong.

For now, I'm not sure I want it 100%, perhaps it takes time for my case. But I'll definitely think deep about it. The interview? What the hell, I'll go, I'll decide. But not instantly. Because I know whatever decision I make, I'll always have my loved ones back me up. So, I'm not afraid. I need to be exposed. And that's what I'll do :)

I hope when I look back into the mirror, I'll still see the very same me, but with a HAPPY smile :) Then, I know I'm doing fine.

X,
Sha