Black and white

A new skin for a new coming year, embracing with wide-opened arms :)

When life hits you

I've been thinking of updating my blog. But em, then again, running out of words. Got a call from a friend yesterday. She was pretty torn apart with the disssion she has to make. Yea, that does sound a little bit like me. Life always has its way to get us. I mean, when you've just recovered from the wound that won't seem to heal, something from your past is back to haunt you again. Keeping you up all night long because of the bad dreams you have at night.

When you tried so hard to fit in, and has succeded, life gives you something you would die for from your past. Gosh, her sitiuation has just reminded me of myself. I'm always torn apart when it comes to decision. There's not much I can help, because when it comes to decision you can only consult, but not decide for them. At the end of the day, you're the one who takes control of your own life. Right?

Went for prefects' interview yesterday. Was rehearsing school anthem like over and over again as we afraid they might ask us to sing, which they did not. *My case* There were 4 teachers interviewing. Hah, it was rather spooky. Lol. They were pretty friendly to be honest, not like what I imagined earlier. I assumed it went pretty smoothly except that I didn't know who's the discipline teacher :P Still, I'm hoping for the post XD

I know my parents love sis and I dearly. But I didn't realize it is that much, so, much, they love us unconditionly. Well, I guess by knowing this fact, I've grown even more, mental wise. I know, I'll always be their little girl :) And I'm loving it!!

Yea, I'm happy with my life :)

X,
Sha

Hectic Life of Mine

Sorry for the silence. I hardly have time for my own recently. Homework and notes are piling up for me to do. Yea,I guess this pre-u life isn't that easy anyway. Can't deny that I'm really tired and exciting at the same time. I can't wait to see where is this path leading me to, how I manage to go through all the little obstacles :)

These subjects are still new to me. Have to take more time to understand them. As for teachers, well, they're ok, not bad I guess. Except for one or two . Get along with classmates pretty well too. Still, sometimes I chose to be alone. I need some serenity after all :P

Just now we're all staying back for R&C activity. I am still blur what it's about. Uh, yea, I sensed racism in school,in the hall. *Sigh. I guess there's just certain issues that can't be changed. It's so common that I've already get used to it. Ah, people, you're 18!!! Grow up can you? Those younger students are even worse!

Yea, that's all for today, have to continue on my works!

#There're friends that'll wait for you at the pondok in the morning; Go to recess with you; Go to toilet together; Help you to photocopy the important form; Fly kisses to you when you're tired. They definitely make your school life BETTER#

X,
Sha

贪玩

今天突然想用手机+华语写部落格。哈哈，感觉有点怪。

好咯，写也写了，我要睡了。晚安^^

X,
莎希拉
Sha

Semi-Freshy Back in School

Finally, I received the letter to go back to school earlier than everyone expected. It's a good thing though. And so, I went to school on the the 13th of May. School was ok, but I'm not gonna deny that wearing school uniform is HOT!! Oh My God, and the weather is so terrible. It's simply annoying.

I have to stay in Bio 2 for a while until the Ministry of Education settle everything. Started our lesson today. Chemistry is not bad, Mr. Raja explained quite a lot of stuffs. Then, I get to know this Chinese guy, Elvis. And had a little conversation with Ting Tao. Well, they are both quite friendly. Get to know this Indian girl also, her name is Lalitha. She's pretty quiet and pay 100% when Mr. Raja is teaching.

En. Hussin gave us an essay to do. Well, it was ok. Have to copy all those information like so fast. Had to stay back for a little while because I didn't get to finish copy all it. It is sad, I mean, no one waits for you. Then you alone have to rush, pack, and walk all alone in the corridor.

Things are different now. I no longer have the friend to go to toilet with me every 35 minutes. I no longer have friends waiting for me in the Dewan-Terbuka. I waited, but they weren't there. They waited, but I wasn't there. It's hard to keep up when you're on your own and different way. It's just different. Now, we're supposed to wait at the tennis court before class starts. Nothing is the same anymore. Life is going to get very busy soon, ah, very tired. Haven't get used to it yet. Hope everything will be just fine.

Oh, En. Ramli is such a great counselor. He reads me. He gets me. Oh my god, I think I should go more for this kind of session. lol. At least I get to understand myself better. I think from him I know what I want for my future. I think law is no longer my field. Well, can't wait for more counseling programs!! I'm not sure whether we need to book or something. But, counseling is fun, good for your mind and soul. lol.

X,
Sha

Never Back Down

It's a gloomy Wednesday morning for me. Went to school to see Mr. Ong. Sigh. I can't return to school until the early of June. Oh my.Didn't know that it could be so troublesome. There's nothing much I can do but wait. This feeling is kinda odd. It's like you're not being accepted. I shouldn't have applied for Matrix, should I? So, I have to home-study for this moment. Oh gosh, this is simply ridiculous. I don't even know what to feel right now.

Hmm, what's the feeling of going to school as a new student? With the the students staring at you like a total freak. No, I don't like it. I like the usual way. Go to school in a group, register, and life goes on. I guess it's going to be different, very different this year.

Cut my hair just now. It's short, real short. Learning to live with it. I chose comfort over cuteness in long hair. lol. It's all about choices. I've made mine. So, move on :)

-I'm too young to die if you're going to quit me-

X,
Sha

Under One Roof

Staying up late tonight. Dad got to work at 2 am. He's sleeping now, so, it's my duty to wake him up at 1.30am. Again, silence during the night. It feels really good. Currently listening to Two is Better than One and chatting with Leong.

Had dinner with Melvin and Leong just now at pizza hut. That explains this post's title . lol. It was fun, talked a little about this and that. Were cracking our brains to order what to eat. We finally ended up with Pizza Hut's latest pizza, fish something something. We didn't hang out long, it was around 1 1/2 to 2 hours. But it's fun though. Talked about craps. Checking on each other new phones. Yea, it was fun.

Yea. It's something like that I'm looking forward after we go our separate ways. Just a simple dinner and keeping one another updated about our plans in life. We made so many promises, but not much is kept. I mean, it's not easy to keep that all. So, a simple breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, whatever you call, it's enough.

If we manage to do that, I'm happy. It's a blue-sky-filled-with-colourful-balloons kind of happiness.

It's a happiness I found from you :)

-White Horse-

X,
Sha

A Night out

It's 2nd of May. Yea. Time flies. One more week I'll be back to school and there we go again, a normal-uniform-high-school-student =p I'll know where they locate me by tomorrow. I hope they'll let me stay in Munshi. I don't want to drive so far everyday. Sigh.

Went to Jacklyn and Sharon's house last night. It was ok. Met some friends and well, chat a little. Saw Ms.Lim, Ms. Goh and Mr. Khoo too last night. And wow, news spread fast and wide. lol. I'm cool with that though. Those teachers are great, they concern about their students.

While I was at their house, Aaron came over and discussed something with my dad. But didn't get to meet him. Maybe will arrange a yamcha 'session' on Wednesday before school re-open. Then when for lamb chop for supple with mom and dad =p

Then today I drove to Giant with mom and dad to buy cooking oil and stuffs. Have been watching Fast and Furious for 3 times this week =p That movie made me speed a little on the road and get scolded. Blame Vin Diesel. lol.

Alright, that's all for today. Will keep you posted for more!

-Listening to Who I am- Nick Jonas-

X,
Sha

遇到

1、遇到你真的爱的人时，要努力争取和他相伴一生的机会！ 因为当他离去时，一切都来不及了！

2、遇到可相信的朋友时，要好好和他相处下去，因为在人的一 生中，可遇到的自己真的不易！

3、遇到人生中的贵人时，要记得好好感激，因为他是你人生的 转折点！

4、遇到曾经爱过的人，记得微笑向他感激因为他是让你更懂爱 的人！

5、遇到曾经恨过的人时，要微笑向他打招呼，因为他让你更加 坚强！

6、遇到曾经背叛你的人时，要跟他好好聊一聊，因为若不是 他，今天你不会懂这世界！

7、遇到曾经偷偷喜欢的人时，要祝他幸福哦！因为你喜欢他 时，不是希望他幸福快乐吗？

8、遇到匆匆离开你人生的人时，要谢谢他走过你的人生，因为 他是你精彩回忆的一部分！

9、遇到曾经和你有误会的人时，要趁现在解清误会，因为你可 能只有这一次机会解释清楚！

10、遇到现在和相伴一生的人，要百分百感谢他爱你，因为你 们现在都得到幸福和真爱。

-Source: Facebook-

Voices for the souls

Music is my life.
When you're down, feel like there's no one you can talk to,
You turn to music,
They heal you :)

When you're happy,
You listen to the particular songs.

Certain music bring memories,
They bring you back to memory land.

Music never failed to please me.

Chris Daughtry, his music and songs never failed to impress me. Seeing a big guy singing songs like that with a little rock elements? I simply love his music!!!

David Archuleta, I love his voice, he jumps up and down when he's singing. Awesome songs. Forever in love =p

Oliver James, I only heard of his Long Time Coming and Greatest Story Ever Told. But two is enough to impress me. Greatest Story Ever Told is a great wedding song=p
Melvin said it's very slow, but his dad likes it :) Good taste!

Adam Lambert, used to hate him. But his songs--well, not bad. Loving his fringe. I like this guy liner =p

Michael Buble, Awesome awesome songs from him. Brilliant!!

There's still a lot more, maybe next time :0

X,
Sha

A Doubtful Thought

Lisa said it's time to start a new chapter. Yes, indeed. I guess we have all come to a point where we need to make a decision. It's either a huge transformation or a drastic change. Not much different between the two actually.

I applied for The Star scholarship a month ago. I wasn't serious at the time. Just playing around. Who knows, I've been short-listed for interview. My first reaction was of course, excited. I get to fly to Sarawak if I'm lucky. Then mom and I spent the next two days to find the perfect formal outfit. Finally, we have found one. It's a long sleeves shirt and a black skirt. Mom lent me her white heels :) It was freaking fun. We look into the mirror, wow, I seriously have the lawyer look. lol. I was stunned with the lawyer-look. Of course, I indulged in it :)

I spent the next few days doing some research in the net and made some phone calls. I realised it wasn't what I thought it is. It's actually way tougher than I imagined. It's a heck long of journey, process, whatever you call. All of a sudden, I wasn't gay about the interview neither do taking law.

I wore the very same outfit, and tried to get opinion from papa. He gave me 7.5 marks out of 10. Fair enough for me. Then, I was standing in front of mirror, right before the second I remove my shirt, my own eyes caught me. I stare right back into my own eyes and gave myself a cynic smile. 'Who am I kidding'?

Right at the moment, I felt like I've been forced to marry a guy that I don't love. Shot, right away, I know something wrong.

For now, I'm not sure I want it 100%, perhaps it takes time for my case. But I'll definitely think deep about it. The interview? What the hell, I'll go, I'll decide. But not instantly. Because I know whatever decision I make, I'll always have my loved ones back me up. So, I'm not afraid. I need to be exposed. And that's what I'll do :)

I hope when I look back into the mirror, I'll still see the very same me, but with a HAPPY smile :) Then, I know I'm doing fine.

X,
Sha

Solitary Monday Night

Today, tonight to be precise, is kinda different from the other nights. Dad is out to work and mom is sleeping in the living room. So, yea, you can say that I'm all alone tonight. I like this feeling though. I wouldn't say I love to be alone. But sometimes, I just like to be alone, have to be alone. Like tonight. I've finished washing all the plates. Ah, somehow, it felt like an achievement. I prefer to do chores during the night. It's so quiet and peaceful. Only you and your running water tap.

Have been reading others' blog lately. Somehow, certain blogs bring back memories. Good and bad. I've made a lot of promises. Promises I can't keep. Promises I thought I would be able to keep. Promises that seem simple and yet enough to break a friendship. It was something huge that time. It was something hurtful even to mention it. I usually follow instincts. Because of that, my actions tend to hurt people. But I only do what I had to at that time. And I don't even know that it hurts. But somehow, it does.

I love past, memories, anything that got to do with it. Certain people think we should move forward, let the past go. I hold on these past memories. It's because I think it's our past that mould us to be who we are. It's something, an energy, a power to move you forward when you hesitate, when you're unsure, and uncertain.

I guess being solitude really gives me something to think about. It makes me feel different. Yes, I do enjoy tonight :)

X,
Sha

Something in between

It's practically three months now since I finished SPM. More than that I think. Life has been pretty dull lately. The only thing in my mind now is studies. Where to go next. I can't believe I've been bugging by this for so long and yet I'm still uncertain of where to go next. It's absolutely two choices ONLY.
It's either Form 6 or Matrix. Frankly speaking, both of them look pretty much the same for me.

Matrix: I'll finish it faster I think. But to finish all of that in one year? I'm not capable in doing it I think. I've stop learning for almost three months, I don't even know how to start already. But em, think of its brighter sight, I don't have to stuck in high school anymore, and I can escape those co-curriculum. So, it's a 50% 50%.

Form 6: Gosh, Orientation week and stuffs. I have to work hard all over again to gain those freaking co-cu marks? I don't know if I can take it anymore. But I was thinking, if I were to go
Form 6, I'll go to Arts class since I'm not really going to do something with science after I graduate. Perhaps, that makes things easier? Again, it's a 50% 50%.

This is what people called dilemma. It doesn't feel good. Especially, when you feel like you're going it by yourself, it kinda upset me a little. But, they say go with the flow, no matter how worry you are, things still going to be settled down. I guess I just have to learn to accept and let things go naturally :)

X,
Sha

Dear John

Recently, I'm obsessed with this book/movie 'Dear John'. I watched the trailer, haven't read the book, haven't watched the movie yet. This is the second book I'm obsessed with after the 'Time Traveler's Wife'. Some of the reviews of this movie is not that good, compared to the book, but em, I'll still go for it.
'Dear John' is a novel written by Nicholas Sparks(Author of the Notebook) few years back. It's such a shame that I only know its existence weeks ago. Still trying to find the book before I watch the movie. The movie starring: Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried.
Here is the synopsis, I think you'll like it, if you like romance:

Director Lasse Hallström and screenwriter Jamie Linden collaborate to adapt author Nicholas Sparks' novel about a young soldier who falls for an idealistic college girl. Savannah Curtis (Amanda Seyfried) was on spring break when she first met John Tyree (Channing Tatum), who was home on temporary leave. For the smitten soldier it was practically love at first sight. Over the course of the next seven years, when each deployment seemed more treacherous than the last, the love letters that Savannah sent to John were one of the only things that kept him going. However, those loving and heartfelt correspondences would ultimately yield consequences that neither the brave soldier nor his one true love could have ever foreseen. ~ Jason Buchanan





Have fun! Love,
Sha

A little updates

It's Friday afternoon. Not sure what to do, so I stopped by here, and maybe write something down. I'm not sure what is going to turn out, but em, hopefully, something good. Have been here for a couple of times. But em, nothing seems to be written down here. It always started with a few words but ended up with the keypad stated there' backspace'. Words don't seem to be written out from me lately. Lack of inspirations I think. Sigh. There's so many things in my mind, but em, I don't know how to express them in words. Writing without inspirations is really a pain. *I'm having hard time to continue here* Maybe it's because I don't have much going on lately, that's way words don't seem to be uttered out.

I'm longing for some time for my own lately. I don't feel like picking up calls, talk, or even laugh. Believe me, laughing can be very tiring if you laugh like I always do. Sigh. I went out to shopping malls for these few days. Trying to find a pendant. Not just any pendant. But em, it's the shape of a snowflake. I want it to be in crystal form or made from diamond. Or something very ancient yet elegant looking one. When the sunlight penetrates through it, then it shines, so brightly. Aww, that'll be really nice. But em, it's not that easy to find it over here, not a nice one I mean. I did see one in MP, but it's made from glass I think, it was not bad, but em, a little bit too small. I want a bigger one, and it'll be hanging on my neck 24/7. I don't know why, but I've always wanted a snowflake pendant. Uh. It's so true, a longer period of time is needed to get a good stuff.*Still, I can't get a nice one yet*










That's all for today, see ya next time.
Sha

Touchie Touchy

This post is totally inspired by someone I love dearly.
It's something that you said or wrote touched me, tremendously.
This post may be short or long, depends on how you look at it.

Something happened, things that need you to get involved with. It's not because you get involved that touched me. It's the way you solve that makes my heart beats. It's pretty shocking how well you know me despite I've been a total myth and keeping stuffs to myself. I've not been talking much about myself especially emotionally. I don't like to keep it open and talk all about it unless it's necessary. Well, sometimes you like to make fun of me especially about my 'love life'. But em, I'm not a big fan of it. I've always been a rigid and conservative minded kind of girl. Indeed, it's annoying when you do so. As time goes by, it kinda build up a barrier in me, in my heart and mind. That definitely mould me into someone that don't speak much about what I really feel.

And as for relationship, I've never get involve in it so far. Getting into a relationship is pretty common for nowadays teens. But nah, again, I'm not a huge fan of it. I've always have a thought that getting involve in a relationship it needs commitment. It ain't easy to have one. It's like getting in a relationship, you are tied up. It just doesn't seem right for me now. Seeing people around me getting in and falling out of love just makes me hold on on my thought firmly.

And em, this is pretty much I want to tell. Poor thing, I've born for 17 years, and yet you know so little about me (emotionally). *Laugh Out Loud* It's always great to have someone like you to take care of my problems. I'm truly glad and blessed to have you in my life. Love you.

P/s: You. yes you. Only get emo with me through electrical devices, not personally. You know how shy I'll be =P *Laugh Out Loud* Well, you know, after all, I'm not ready to get rid of my barriers yet. But em it's just the matter of time. The time will come :)

06/01/10 outing

Finally, after being caged in house for a few weeks we went for a movie yesterday. (Exciting) Boon Xian came with his Kancil and fetch Carine, Gun, Dieh, and me. We went McDonald to take some bites before the movie starts.

Avatar is so so nice!!! Those Na'vi are so BLUISH and HUGE!!! Of course, Jake Sully is kinda cute. This movie is a little touching. This movie kinda reminds us of what is going around this world. Human beings tend to destroy other habitats or what so ever to get money and luxuries. People are killing mother nature blindly. People has lost themselves, their inner self in this materialistic world. Human beings can be so cruel and shallow-minded.

Moral Values: Stop killing blindly(human/animals/trees..)
Remember, What goes around comes around

So, I think this movie deserves 9.5.

Later, we went to play Basketball and Paired Hockey Match at Jusco. I was so nice and exciting!!! Of course Gun scored the highest among us. And so, this fun outing ends here!! Pointer for the day 9.5!

Looking forward for another outing:
Shasha

I'm Yours

I'm Yours
~Beautiful song by The Script~

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap you thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours